2025

Well, it's the final day of 2025. I can't say I'm surprised with how this year has gone, I knew it wouldn't be good. Sure, good things have happened, but the overall score is, uh, shit.
In January, I got off T. I thought back to all the people who would tell me "oh you can't undo the effects of that" and thought it would be okay. Figured I'd lose some masculinity but level out eventually and just be a lesser version. I quit because I was afraid. The country is on fire day and night, it keeps getting worse, and I'm afraid of it. And what happened when I took my precautions? I learned a valuable lesson. The effects are not permanent. Not at all. Over the past few months, my self esteem has been going down the fucking drain. I feel like my inability to do things is worse because of it. I took Kratom and got some stuff done but what's that worth? Am I completely useless without it? Why am I like this? Then I see it - a glimpse of my reflection. Tonight I saw no trace of Theo in my face, it was only Her. The despair has been creeping up on me, but tonight it pounced. I felt truely Wrong. I can ignore a lot, but knowing that when people look at me they don't see Theo anymore? I can't stand that. On top of it all, I broke my collarbone and was in a horrible financial situation because of it.
This year fucking sucked.
I honestly don't want to dig around for the information about everything that happened, I think I'll save that for later when I've been able to repair my life. Tonight, I'll do my best to sum this up into a positive thing.
I... did have some positive spin on this, but I can't find it now...
I'll come back, okay?